Trump can’t trust Trump.

What if reincarnation was just a religious misinterpretation of the concept that all your matter will be recycled infinitely into the environment as compost, then grass, trees, salmon, bears, beetles, mushrooms and bacteria etc, all at the same time.

Under the principle that you are the universe experiencing itself subjectively, recycling yourself now or later makes little difference on your endless journey other than being a wasted opportunity for experienceing it all. A human has an amazing opportunity to experience thought, music, wine, chocolate, love and all the other things in the way a mushroom likely doesn’t.

Monkey’s paw - you are now Elon’s umpteenth child who’s only purpose is to serve as a bullet shield.

I have convicted Putin in absentia of being an asshole. His sentence is that all my shit has to pass through him.

20 Point plan:

1. Put a bullet in Putin’s head. Bury the body upside down in an outhouse’s full hole with permafrost. The outhouse will remain in operation in perpetuity as a functional national monument.
2. Let the remaining Russian generals have a celebratory meal of Polonium Soup.
3. Let the Russian cabinet of ministers wank each other to celebrate peace with fleshlights lubed with novichok and sand.
4. All Russian foreign assets including Putin’s personal fortune go to reconstructing Ukraine. All lands returned +10% as the start of an apology.
5. Russia will start a youth program to ecologically restore Ukraine first by demining, then by picking out the shrapnel and debris out of the soil.
6. All Ukrainians in Russia are returned home and are given three free faceslaps of their captors to be used at time of their choosing.
7. Russian national media will start a weekly broadcast called “Why are we always such assholes?”
8. Russia will hand over all nukes to Ukraine with a promise they will never invade Russia.
9. By law, every time someone in Russia dies from falling out a window, one their secret service agency has to throw out one of their own out the same window. The person will be selected by lottery.
10. Russia will decomission it’s fossil fuel industry and become leaders in green technology. During the difficult transition, Russia will power their economy with giant hamster wheels filled with military veterans.
11. The Russian Military’s uniform will be changed to pink tutus. Rank will be indicated by tiara size and structure. 10% of training must be ballet. Anyone who fails to achieve proficiency is ejected.
12. Russian police forces now have to protect protesters and public speeches. Their uniforms include t-shirts, shorts and flip flops.
13. All foreign military bases will be converted to ice cream stores.
14. The Russian submarine fleet will be hollowed out and welded together to make a giant waterslide.
15. LGBTQ2S+ will be embraced with cultural facilities provided for.
16. Agent Krasnov (Trump) will be recalled and will clean the toilets at said facilities.
17. Small arms facilities (AK47 etc…) will be converted to produce sex toys. Lord knows they need it.
18. Heavy arms production facilities will be converted to production of bigger, better sex toys.
19. Russia will institute immediate democratic proportional representation elections where candidates are chosen by lottery from an “Oh god! Please, no!” Registry.
20. Russia can perform at Eurovision, but only with Drag artists.

Pedophile class destroyer named the USS Child Rapist.

Coolest year of the rest of your life.

More for me! Yay

Edit: No really. I’m going to buy a shit-ton more parmagiano-regiano, peccorino, camembert, brie, white cheddar , manchego, emmentaler, camembert , cambozola, feta and anything else I can find.

Death by dairy - I regret nothing!

Oh look a bad thing happened. We must use this opportunity to install an authoritarian state.

A shit President for a shithole country. American power will be forever damaged and will never recover from this.

It’s probably for the better.

“Intercepts”

Steals

May I introduce you to rule 34? As interested in Spawning fish? Mermaids my dude. Plus that Japanese Octopus stuff. There is no limit to the depths of our desires.

I’m sure the Japanese have a word for fish porn. I just don’t want to know what it is and I’m too scared to search.

I made a shitpost based on star trek for a laugh.

I think any assumption of Aliens would be a mistake.

Maybe my aspirational alien sex party is an unintentional horror show where they want to have sex with us via cellular absorption and DNA fusion followed by a binary fision phase resulting in hybridization of both partners then cloning of the hybrids into an unknown number of offspring.

New kink unlocked. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

True. There is amazing diversity with and amongst species.

Groovy baby!

…and porn.

Perhaps. But the assumption that Aliens would find us perverted implies that this attitude is the normal one when prudism is the freakshow. Every media technology from cave painting to the internet and everything in between has been co-opted if not dominated by porn.

Porn is great. We are sexual beings. Your shame is unwarranted.

Also what makes you think aliens aren’t interested in our fertility rituals. As captain kirk taught us, knocking boots with aliens is awesome.

I hope they are on their way to us now for an interstellar booty call. Better yet, I hope they are covertly here now on a genetic exchange program.

Edit: You know all those weird sex ads in the back pages of alternative magazines. Aliens among us maybe??

Edit 2: To the people downvoting this, this is exactly why you don’t get invited to better parties - especially alien sexy parties.